Critical Reflection on Learning in the Course

The semester has finally come to a close. At the beginning of COM150, I had set 2 goals for myself, namely learning how to make small talk and wearing a persona more when I talk to others. After all these weeks, I'm glad to say that while I have not fully achieved what I had set out to do, I have made good improvements in communication aspects that I were weak in.

The first goal was to learn how to make small talk. Before COM150, I often ran into problems when the conversation topic steered in a direction that I was unfamiliar with. In the middle of conversations, I would sometimes clam up and suddenly feel like an outsider. During COM150, I learnt that my slow response was mostly due to my concern of how people look at me. I was always afraid of saying the wrong thing, and hence I would think very carefully before I say anything, resulting in a weakness when making small talk. Now, I am much more relaxed when talking with others about random topics. Although I still think before I speak, I have loosened the restrictions on what I should not say, especially when talking to close friends.

The second goal was to learn how to wear a persona. Before COM150, I would speak to everyone in the same way, regardless of whether that person was a teacher, friend or stranger. The same casual greeting that I gave towards my friends often ended up going towards my professors as well. During COM150, the DISC personality test revealed that I was a high C and D. It was revealed that I could grow as a C and D person if I learnt to focus not just on work, but on people as well. Therefore, I have learnt to talk differently with regards to who my conversation partner is, giving them the respect that they deserve based on what kind of relationship I had with them. Now, I am much more formal with my professors, and while I still joke with them occasionally, I have learnt not to treat them similarly to my friends.

Moving on, I hope to continue to learn about effective communication. In the next upcoming game project, I will be sure to be more vocal in the team, as well as learning how to accept other people's ideas instead of dismissing them.

Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

It is said that no friendship can ever become true if 2 friends have never ever clashed with each other in their lives. Indeed, it is only through conflict and resolving it that friends realize their differing opinions, yet are still able to accept each other for it. However, there are times where conflict breaks the friendship instead of strengthening it.

I will write about 1 such relationship between 2 friends, Sam and Tom. It was back in secondary school, when we were tasked with a group project. Sam, who was the smart, domineering personality type, often made decisions for Tom, the average, submissive type. During that period, we were overloaded with many assignments. Tom, who took a longer time than others to complete his work, suddenly found himself under the pressure of time. On the other hand, Sam, who had finished his assignments, wanted to start on the project immediately. Naturally, Sam, who expected Tom to begin work on the project as well, ran into a need conflict with Tom because Tom was not able to deliver his part of the project.

Sam: Tom, we need to start on the project now.

Tom: I still have unfinished work. Can we hold off on the project?

Sam: No, we cannot. The project is due next month.

Tom: I'm really busy with work though.

Sam: No means no. We will start on this project, and don't you put this project as a final priority.

Tom: ... I'll see what I can do.

The final result was that Tom never got his work done, the project ended up in a failure, and I never saw the friends hang out again. Sam, who took a competing style of conflict resolution, wanted Tom to adhere to his schedule, and would not take Tom's work into consideration. On the other hand, Tom, who took an avoiding style of conflict resolution, tried to delay the project as long as he could, but ended up failing to deliver his part of the project.

Clearly, the choice of conflict resolution was not wise. I believe both parties should have tried to reach a compromise with each other. Sam should have offered to help Tom with his work, instead of demanding Tom to hurry up. On the other hand, Tom should have been more assertive with the issue, instead of trying to avoid Sam until it was too late.

Commented:
Arman
Izaac
Wei Xiong

Evaluating Listening Skills & Nonverbal Behaviour

Recently, I paid a visit to a friend's house to play some games. Halfway through 1 of our matches, my friend's mother came home. She wanted my friend to return a card to the guard house, but as my friend and I were in the middle of 1 of our games, it was hard to leave at that point in time.

Let's call my friend F and his mother M. The scene went something like this:

Begin scene.

F and I are playing games. M walks in.

M: F, go return this card to the guard house now.

F ignores M.

M: F, did you hear me?

F: Yes, I'll do it later.

M looks slightly frustrated.

M: No, do not do it later. Do it now.

F: But I'm busy!

M: Busy doing what?

F points at game.

F: I'm in a game now I can't leave.

M pauses for a moment, as if she could not believe what she was hearing.

M: Doesn't matter. Returning the card takes only 5 minutes. Go now.

F: But I can't!

M: Why?

F: Because I'm in a game!

M raises hands in disbelief, starts talking angrily.

M: SO WHAT SO IMPORTANT ABOUT THIS GAME?

M looks at game.

M: YOU CANNOT EVEN LEAVE YOUR GAME FOR 5 MINUTES?

M points at game.

M: GO NOW.

F ignores M.

M: I TOLD YOU TO GO NOW.

F continues ignoring M.

F (to me): So about this... (game related stuff).

M furiously leaves the room, slamming the door behind her.

End scene.

Clearly, in this short and sharp conversation, both parties were unwilling to listen to each other. This can be attributed majorly to their weak active listening skills.

There are some families that practice the tradition of unquestioning obedience. Hence, it could be that M had weak listening skills because she does not want to be interested in F’s activities, as she demands complete obedience from F. On the other hand, F has been exposed to the Internet since a young age, and has been taught to selectively filter out information that is toxic to him. As such, while F can listen to M, he does not want to involve himself by responding.

It is said that when males talk, they exchange information, and when females talk, they exchange emotions. As M is a female, her emotions are a huge part of her nonverbal communication, as can be seen from her inflection of voice and her body movement which accents her angry message. On the other hand, F who is a male simply ignores M while expressing little emotion, which substitutes his message of not caring about what M has to say. In addition, F’s action of talking to me instead of replying to M further complements his nonverbal message that he is ignoring M.

From this episode, it can be seen that in order for there to be a healthy conversation between 2 individuals, both parties must practice active listening in order to fully understand the verbal and nonverbal messages that both sides convey. After all, we should listen to understand, and not listen to simply reply.

Commented:
Cheng Wei
Clausen
Wei Xiong

Strengths and Challenges in Communicating

Communication is an important part of everyday life. Without interaction with others, it is possible to go insane as socializing is a vital need for many people. However, while communication is important, how one goes about communicating with others is also vital. This is where knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses in communication can come into play.

I feel that my strongest point in communicating only comes when I am talking about something that I am confident in. As my personality type is of a primary C and a secondary D, I am very strong when it comes to conversations that involve conveying relevant information. On the other hand, as I am a low I, I tend to get stuck when conversations turn to small talk, as those kind of conversations often involve random topics that I am not comfortable with. After all, since no relevant information is being conveyed, I can’t help but feel that the conversation is mostly pointless, and I will feel awkward to participate in the conversation. 

The 2 objectives that I would like to achieve by the end of this course are as follows. Firstly, I would like to learn how to make small talk. As mentioned, I find it very difficult to communicate with people who do not share common ground with me. Mastering the art of small talk would be very helpful in forging relationships in the future. Secondly, I would like to learn how to wear a persona more often when talking to others. As I am lazy to think about how I should speak to different people, I normally just default myself to my usual way of talking no matter who I am speaking to, be it a teacher, friend or stranger. Having more personas will help me convey the right amount of formality I should be giving towards a conversation partner.

At the moment, given that my communication skills are rather lacking when it comes to talking with strangers, I hope that I can acquire the skills needed to converse with strangers more effectively by the end of the semester.

Commented:
Arman
Weilun
Izaac